Sunday, March 13, 2011

Why this blog?

It been close to 4 months since I saw my baby. Which means he'd be four months old if he were here now. Every day of these 4 months has been a hell in itself. There isn't a moment when I don't think of him. I'm relying on my memory to recall his little face. He was so cute oh my God. Its so inhumane and so ungodly that he had to go.

When my baby died, all the people around me said I had to let go. By which they meant, don't cry. You will have another baby. People lose their teenaged children. Yours was still a baby. You didn't even hold him in your hands. You will get more.

I just want to tell through this blog that my loss in inferior to no one's. This is the worst loss. Losing a baby like that. Empty hands. Empty womb. Empty cradle. How can someone quantify my loss and brand it negligible?

I just hate this world.

I want to tell all the mommies like me - don't pay heed to what other stupid people are saying. Our loss is the greatest in its own respect.

And i want to vent out. Irrespective of whether one hears or not, I just want to vent out here.


  1. (((HUGS))) I am so very sorry for your loss. Others that have never experience such a loss truly cannot relate to what we go through. It's unbelievably harsh what some people will say. Keep writing and sharing. It's very therapeutic. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers xxoo

  2. @Crazy 4 Diazies. Surprised to view your comment. The first one. This is a new blog and I thought nobody will notice.

    Thanks you so so much for stopping by and commenting. How kind of you. Thanks.

  3. I'm so sorry, you baby isn't with you.
    i have found some other people's opinions so hard to handle, in three years I have had a few people saying an stillbirth is... comparing it to all sorts of losses. But none of the pain any of us feel is quantifiable. It is a good thing to point that out to others, when they fall into that thinking. How someone feels is their experience and nobody feels for you more than you do yourself.

    Loosing a child, loosing an only child can be more than one loss, you might loose your mothering roll, you might loose a sibling because you fall out with them over how they handle your loss or other problems, some people loose their partners and go through more loss all in relation to the loss of a child. To say one is worse than the other is just kind of pointless in my opinion.

    Allow yourself to grieve however much, long, loud you need.
    I'm sorry
    wishing you peace and love

  4. @ines: Exactly my opinion. Thanks for understanding. Love to you and Fionn too.

  5. I found it very painful to read your story and am very sorry for your loss. My son had some complications at birth and had to spend a few days in the NICU (he is fine now). But during that time, I realized how fragile life is, and how losing a child would be the worst thing to happen. I would sit next to my baby in the NICU, pray for him and observe the anxiety of all other parents who had babies in the NICU. I find it very sad that we Indians console grieving parents by talking about "conceiving another baby" as if it will erase this loss. You have been very courageous in writing about your experiences, and I pray this brings you some peace.