Thanks very much for everyone who commented on my post offering support. Venting out has helped and the thought of insensitive people in my life doesn't hurt as it used to before (I just shut those thoughts out now).
It's just that some days are okay and some, really bad. The late evenings are terrible. That's when my baby's face keeps coming back and the realization of the loss hits me. It's strange why some people have to go through this immeasurable and indescribable pain.
I came across a wonderful lady on the net who lost her only son after 4 months in the nicu. I also came across someone whose baby son is in the nicu for the past 6 months but now doctors are telling her it would be no useful to continue further but stop the life support. The baby looks at her when she holds him and she just cannot make a decision to let him go. I cannot imagine how painful that can be.
I'm not a stranger to sufferings and always knew that people are undergoing so many horrible things at different parts of the world (yet we feign ignorance and call the world a beautiful place), but my baby son's passing has opened up a new world of sufferings which I was never aware of before. If, like most mothers, I had a normal life with my baby peacefully in my house, I wouldn't have known such a world with unfathomable grief existed at all.
It is true that grief and loss like ours opens up our eyes to suffering of others. I still wish I could have remained ignorant and had my baby but I think of it as a gift from him that I am more compassionate. I'm so sorry you're having some hard days and hope you have some gentler mmoments coming your way.
ReplyDeleteYes, I cannot even begin to imagine the kind of grief you must be going through. When it comes to our own children, we can never say life is not worth it. Because for us, our children life, any life is better than no life at all. I am listening to you.
ReplyDelete@Monique: I agree with you. I still cannot believe am a part of the sad world. Transition from the actual world to here has been ..so shocking.
ReplyDelete@Madhu: So well put. I was thinking this the day my baby died. Just wanted my baby, anyway he was.
Good reading this poost
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