Sunday, September 25, 2011
As planned, I met doctor # 3. Doctor #3 (actually, if you count my original Gyn whom I saw soon after my baby died, this is doctor # 4 for me in the past 6 months; but anyway..) suspected that my tubes might be blocked; because I had a premature rupture of membranes with my first pregnancy - and asked me to go for a HSG. I called the Radiology Center for an appointment; and was asked to come prepared for the HSG - after having taken a voltarene 100 mg tab before the actual examination. I drove to the pharmacy just the night before my scheduled HSG and that's where I learnt that the voltarene is actually an analgesic. Something to give relief from pain? That's what the pharmacist told me and that's when I realised that the HSG process can be painful.
That made me go back and read up the stuff on the internet. The things about the dye being placed in a catheter and injected into the cervix canal to flow through the tubes. I know I have been through a c-section before but the knowledge that this procedure would be done with me fully awake got me up a worried a bit. I went to bed thinking about what was going to happen the next day. I didn't tell about my fears to my husband because I didn't want to worry him.
On the appointed day, we drove to the Radiology Center. I hadn't taken the voltarene oral tablet so they gave me a soluble tablet instead. We waited. the nurse called me in and asked my husband to wait outside. I was asked to change into the x-ray robe and lay down on the cold x-ray table. The nurse who was preparing the room asked me questions like whether I had a baby before etc. and I had to tell her that my baby died. She gave me some sympathetic words, and tried to make me relax saying the procedure took only a couple of minutes and I shouldn't experience any other pain except for period like cramping. I was asked to sleep in a posture suitable for the doctors to carry out the procedure.
A lady doctor walked in. I believe the instrument she put on me was similar to the one used for pap smear. Then she began injecting the dye. For some strange reason, the dye wouldn't go through. After struggling with the stuff for some time and multiple attempts to inject the dye, she sent in for a senior doctor. My legs were now shaking uncontrollably. The nurse asumed that I was panicking and screamed at me to relax. I told her I was relaxed, the position my legs were placed in were making me shake. I told myself again and again. Yes, I'm relaxed. A stupid procedure like this cannot scare me. Am stronger than this and am relaxed. But now my for some reason my hands were shaking too.
The senior doctor tried a few times to inject the dye. For this, they made me slide down to the edge of the x-ray table. I had to slide up to the center of the table because the camera was mounted there. When they would switch on the camera, they'd realize that the dye wasn't passing. Then they'd make me slide down again to poke and probe. I had done this sliding exercises at least fifteen times now. Each time I had felt the sharp thing moving up and down inside me but somehow it wans't working. I prayed that this ordeal ended soon.
Finally, the doctor succeeded. He said that the dye is passing now and I lay down motionless on that x-ray table for them to take enough pictures of my tubes and the uterus. Instead of holding and playing with my ten month old baby I'm lying on that cold, icy table getting poked and probed by so many hands. I wished it wasn't like this. That this was just a bad dream. That my baby were alive still and we were watching a cartoon on the TV in my living room. This room and me on this ruthless x-ray table - this can't be true , right? I want to cry but the tears wouldn't come.
When I walked out I found my super worried husband. I was gone for almost an hour for a procedure that is supposed to take just a few minutes and he was worried.
Am yet to see the infertility specialist with my HSG report. From what I can understand from the report is that my tubes are patent. However, there are adhesions, smearing blah blah...
I wish there will be an end to all this. I don't know really how much more I can take.