Friday, September 16, 2011
Today is the first day of our weekend. The only call my husband got on his cell was of a friend announcing that his wife delivered a baby girl yesterday. I haven't met this friend or his wife in the past 2 years. My husband spoke to him on phone last year around same time perhaps, and we had then broken our 'good news' and invited him & his wife to our house, but he had some reason for not accepting our invitation, like he was busy or something. Since that day, today was his first call. He didn't even know that we had gone on to lose our baby. Strangely, he had never bothered to call us, or didn't get our news from common friends. So today my husband had to share with him on phone our sad news when he gave us his happy one. Such a contrast - the places we and him are in right now.
Last year around this time I remember a discussion my husband and I were having. We were talking about how we were one of the first people in his friends' circle having a baby. Its a different thing that the others were married much later than us and were even younger. It was not as if we were proud or something, but we were very happy. I had really believed then that I was going to have my baby. It had never really struck me that my baby would actually die or something could go that terribly wrong.
This year is quite different. We are getting calls from others now. May be there are more calls to come. And my husband and I are left way behind in this journey. We have become the hare in the race. Its sad. It really sad.
It's almost fourth month of trying and sadly I don't have much to share. I'm going to see a new infertility specialist on Sunday and am really worried about this meeting. Am kind of disillusioned already by going to different doctors and repeating my story to them. Every time I go to a new doc I build up lot of hopes and somehow see all those hopes go crashing after sometime. For different reasons. The first doctor I met few months ago asked me not to even try till the end of this year and the second doctor was very much okay with me trying but kind of hinted that I should try on my own and see her only after am pregnant. That's because she's only a high risk OB, and not an infertility specialist.
So that leaves me with the third doc that I'd be seeing on Sunday. And even though I don't want to, I'm getting very hopeful again. Am hoping that this doctor will have a magic wand and can solve all my problems. But sadly, that doesn't happen in reality. At least such things have never happened with me.
Wish everyone a good weekend.