Thursday, November 17, 2011


My baby was born at 8.43 PM on November 18, last year. He cried when he was picked up by the doctor from my stomach, and I heard the OB making a comment that 'he didn't look bad at all'. I could say from the tone of her voice that she was referring to his weight..1.6 kgs, he was just 30 weeks and 3 days old, and most babies put on weight only in the last final weeks of gestation.I kept asking the doctors who sewed me, 'how's the baby?'. They said, 'he's fine now. Let's see what happens'.

He was whisked by the neonatologist into the nicu, and my husband was the only one who saw him on the way. Our son was apparently crying at the top of his voice as the doctor carried him into nicu; this gave an impression to my H that he was perfectly fine. So, as I was shifted to the recovery room , he came running to me. I asked him, how's our baby? My husband gladly said 'he's fine'. It's only next day the neonatalogist explained to my husband and my dad that our son was quite sick.

If I had been lucky enough to keep my son alive, he would be one today. We would have had a grand party to celebrate. All the people, the ones who care for us and even ones whom our tragedy has bothered least, would come over and wish our baby today. My husband would be so proud of our handsome, gorgeous son. For me, they would be the two absolute loves of my life. When I were still pregnant with my son, at about 6 months, I used to wonder how do I hold all the happiness that was coming my way. To think that it's quite the opposite now.

My sweet son may not be in my arms today, but honestly i see him always.I fantasize my son watching TV with us propped on the couch, complaining to me about his dad when his dad missed gym, running to hug us at the slightest provocation....

Although I cannot give anything to my son today, I wish that wherever he is, he is happy. And doing fantastic. And there will be a day in future when my son, his daddy and I, will be together. We will live like one happy family and our hearts will be filled with nothing but love.

Until that day, my wait continues.....


  1. I'm sure he's smiling down on you today and knows just how much you love him.

  2. Happy birthday to Little Vitu! Hugs to you--I know today's not an easy day. Instead of focusing on the sad, try to focus on the happy that came of that day--your little boy being born. I know it's hard, but that's what got me through Drew's birthday.

    Thinking of you today!

  3. One year - every day is hard, but somehow these anniversaries make it more so. Remembering your little Vitu and wishing he were here.

  4. Happy birthday Little Vitu. :)

    Thinking of you today momma. :(

  5. Happy Birthday, sweet baby boy <3

  6. Happy Birthday Vitu! Thinking of you and your Mummy today. xo

  7. Happy birthday to your sweet little Vitu! Wishing he could be here for you to hold also.

  8. Happy Birthday to your sweet little Vitu!!!
    He is everywhere where you are, he is alive in your heart.
    Thinking of you both today. xoxo