Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Daddy's boy

Yesterday, my husband was very upset. He generally is, when he returns from work. During my entire pregnancy, he had fantasised about being able to play with his baby as soon as he gets back from work. That feeling that he has to return everyday to a baby-less home depresses him. 

What he keeps telling me always is that how helpless he is. Up till now in our individual lives and life after our marriage,we have seen ups and downs. But somehow, we were were able to get through them. There were some elements within our realm of control.

Losing our baby has been like a strike out of nowhere. I still keep thinking how helpless this whole thing has rendered us. When my water broke prematurely, the days my baby was in the nicu, the day he died, and now. When we are just living with his memory.

In both of our otherwise event-less lives, this has been earth shattering. Something that has changed our lives forever. A dark realization, a chill trapped in our hearts, a deep pain clasped to our hearts permanently. 

How I wish this hadn't happened and my baby were alive. He'd a be a big boy today - smiling at his daddy when he returned from work. Making our lives living worthy.


  1. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you. I have lost two son's and I know how hard it is. We recently lost our son, Jaxson 2/22/11. I have had good days and some very bad days since then. You have a very beautiful blog and I will visit it often.

  2. Your friend from ILMarch 24, 2011 at 5:42 AM

    You know who this is... one who has lost after so much of suffering and finally has emerged winner with double the happiness... I wish God regrets what he has done to you and rectifies his mistake by doubling your joy too...

  3. I have no idea how to console you. Perhaps no words will ever be able to console you; for your loss is so great.
    I am giving you a link of an Indian friend of mine. She is an acquaintance of mine (through blog-world) and she has lost her son Akash last year (Downs). The heart break you are going through is something I have seen her go through. Maybe...just maybe you will find some comfort at her space, reading about Akash.

  4. Sorry, not last year. The year is 2009. Please go through her blog, if you think it would help you reading about her own grieving.

  5. @ Full Of Tips Mama: Thanks. Your loss is so great. I'm very very sorry about your little Jaxson.
    @ krk: Of course, my inspiration! Thanks
    @ Madhu: Thank you for reading and kind words, am going through Akash's moma's blog.