Sunday, May 22, 2011
When can I try again?
After my baby died, last November, I wanted to try again and have a baby badly. The morning after my baby was buried, my breasts were swollen and aching and I had to squeeze the milk out and drain. I remember that day when my heart was heavy like a stone. My dad then later got the pills which gyn prescribed for the milk to drain.
I wanted a baby. I had delievered one eleven days ago and had just laid him to rest. But I wanted a baby to hold again.
My gyn in India told me in Jan when I met her that I could start trying from June 2011. Owing to my c-section scar. I had mentally divided that period into 2 bundles of 3 months each - once I knock this time off I can try again - that's what my husband also kept telling.
Now, we are soon to reach this mark where we can start trying. I'd met this new super duper gyn in Dubai few days ago and today she called me to say my preliminary investigatory tests are okay. There is no cause she can pinpoint for my preterm labour. The only reasons, she mentioned, could be a short cervix or a bacterial infection or no reason at all. Which will be known only after I get pregnant again.
She said I should strictly start trying after 12 months. That's the minimum gap. Which would be almost next year.
I'm very sad today. I wanted to start trying next month onwards. Now am scared. Am scared about the possibility of having incompetent cervix too. My uterine scar hurts now and then when I cough etc. Am scared about it. Am scared about lot of things.
Miss my baby. By losing him.... I have lost a lot. I guess its going to be a very long wait before seeing my baby again.