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It's not important that its my birthday today.

Everyone has a birthday. There has to be one. Mine is today. There is nothing I can do about it.

But where I were the same day last year, and where I'm today..this just is beyond my belief. Last year, I were pregnant with my baby. And today, I have no baby. I'm not pregnant. I went thorough the process of delivering my baby only to lose him after eleven days. Life has beaten me like anything.

I always wanted to have my own children. Always wanted to have a family - a loving husband and loving children. There can be no words to describe how happy I were to see my dreams coming true. I was on the threshold of getting all I want and then someone decided that I cannot have all this. Or at least not now. My husband and I have fallen behind like anything in this journey called parenthood.

And there was a baby whom we lost. Someone who was able to cry, feed on my milk...I never got a chance to know what his likes and dislikes are, and what kind of person he'd grow up to be. I cannot talk more about him except that he was very very pretty. He died. How can something so beautiful and innocent die..? Is there no justice in this world?

And when  I'm battered and lost today as if I were left alone (with my husband) in an island, I force my mind to think of people whom I have come across and whose lives have touched me:

a. A lady who was an Administrator in my College. I visited my College number of years after finishing my education. To invite few faculty for my wedding. I met this lady who remebered me very well (of course), and congratulated me but told me she cannot attend my wedding as she has to take care of her new baby girl. The lady is around 45 years old. She noticed the blank look in my face and went on to explain that her two teenaged sons died in a road accident close to her house last year. One son had just completed his Engineering and had started working, the other was still studying in college. The motorbike that were riding had collided with a bus. So this lady and her husband had now gone to adopt a baby girl.

b. My OB in India who performed my c-section. She was widowed at 19 and left to fend for herself with two small chidren. That's when she studied medicine and became a famous doctor. Brought up her children on her own. He first son, when he was studying his final year of medicine, met with a road accident and died. Somewhere close to her house. He was waiting to catch a bus to go to another city and was run over by a bus and instantly died. She continues to be a good doctor in the town, delivers babies everyday. She believes her profession is keeping her sane.

Have a good weekend everyone.