Thursday, June 30, 2011
Home alone tonight
I am alone in my flat tonight as my husband is been travelling. Its terribly boring to be alone. Missing my baby son very much today. Have thought over in my mind a million times already 'what if!' he was with me here today. Such a nice baby. He's been gone so long now.
My son was very quiet when he was inside me. I knew a girl as pregnant as me, at 6 months, she kept saying how much her baby kicked. Mine would hardly. I wanted to feel those kicks. My co-worker, a nice nice 45 year old man, had this habit of asking me everyday -'darling, baby kicking?' I would say 'very little'. And he would tell me 'then he's a quiet person like you'. I somehow felt proud inside that my son already received certificates for his quiet and dignified behaviour. The doctor who did my u/s at 5 months as well as around 7 months observed that usually babies moved a lot during the procedure and it was hard to measure their vitals but mine was very quiet. 'You are lucky'. He had remarked. How proud I was. I was going to have a great baby.
Sometimes I use to lie down on, put the earphones on and listen to music on my mp3. I use to then feel him move distinctly. He always move when I played music. I slept and rubbed and rubbed my tummy softly. What days they were....
I have no idea how will all this be if I get pregnant again. I really have no clue and cannot think about it.
BTW, I didn't get my period this month. Its more than a week late. My period was never late except when I got pregnant last year. Oh! I know am not pregnant this time because we hardly did 'it' this month. Moreover, I have used a HPT (I must be crazy to use it), and it was negative as expected.
I'm guessing this could be a side effect of metformin I started taking last month. I'm going to see the GYN next week.
So again, it will be the start of the vicious cycle again. TTC-Period-TTC-Period-TTC...so on...
Miss you baby. You have gone and taken a piece of my heart with you. It never stops aching.