Sunday, June 12, 2011

My son was very cute

My baby....when my mother saw him first time (he was 8 days old and doing very well that day), she said he almost looked like a full term baby. He did weigh a little less than an average full term baby but nevertheless had this perfect face, nose, lips etc.& looked like a rockstar. I have thought a million times what a nice big baby he would have been had we gone to full term. I wish I could post a pic here and then beam when everyone said how beautiful my baby was.

Now, I can't do that. I don't have a single picture. It's only my memory, my heart and my whole self where I keep him. He is everywhere, but I don't have a tangible piece of evidence to show anyone of my son. To the rest of the merry world, my son doesn't exist.

I actually don't care about the world. I wanted a pic to keep seeing my son but I have now accepted the fact that I can never have one. I see him every minute. I might have never even touched him but what we shared and now share is more than the physical touch. We are mom and son forever. Like a normal mother, I didn't stop carrying my son after 9 months. But I continue to carry him forever, until I go away from this earth and meet him in another world. I continue to carry my son in my heart and nothing can ever change that.


  1. I found your blog and just want to say hello and I am so sorry for your loss. I will think of you and send love your way.

  2. Perhaps you could find an artist and describe to him/her what your little boy looked like. Then you would have that.....

  3. It must be so hard to not have any pictures of your son:(
    Thinking of you and baby Vitu always...