Friday, June 22, 2012
I delivered twin boys weighing about 1700 and 1800 gms on 7th June. They came home after a week's time in nicu. One of them has issues still with feeding but my husband and I are trying our best. It's scary at times when he vomits suddenly, or when he shows some difficulty in breathing. We are trying to hang on and take each hour as it comes. One would wonder why am I not announcing the arrival of my babies in the most euphoric tone. I'm thinking it's because the reality hasn't sunk in yet. I still cannot believe I have children, living, at home. That someone's really going to call us momma and daddy. That the uncertainty that lingered on for months has ended (?). That finally, finally we have closure over something at last (?). We are indescribably grateful for these babies.Im so indebted to my OB, the fellow blm mommas, all readers of this blog, few compassionate friends who supported me during my pregnancy, God, universe...I'm sure everyone's well meant wishes somehow contributed to me having my babies. But how I wish few things which happened in the last few months, actually didn't happen. My brother. I shed tears for him everyday. I miss him so much. What a terrible end for him. If he were here today, I would have phoned him and told him about my babies. I constantly wonder where he's now. Miss him. Beyond words can ever express. A fellow blm mom who according to me is a great human being and although I know her only over the Internet, I know that she's such a deserving mom. How could she have lost her rainbow so cruelly, tragically! I can never fathom. We all started our journey after losing our babies around the same time. How I wish everyone got an happy ending like me. Last but not the least, names for the twins. I have named one baby after my first son little Vitu and another after my late brother. I'm trying to be a less bitter, and a better human being. I'm still trying to forgive myself (for so many things I haven't even mentioned here). I'm trying to find ways to maintain my sanity and carry on with this life given to me.