Three and a half months

For once, I'm busy in life doing what I wanted to do all along, which is taking care of my babies. My parents and in-laws who were here, left by the end of last month.

So it's just me, just me, just me..and my boys. And their daddy. I cannot even believe sometimes this is happening. Now when strangers see me they comment on what a perfect life I have got; and how lucky I am. It all seems like pure bliss to a random onlooker.

I don't like it is this way. I don't want to go and correct everyone saying, 'Look, it is not what you think. There are deep scars beneath this show of happiness'. Because, what's the point? 

I don't think they would understand now, when they failed to understand then.

I still wonder where the two beautiful people are...my little Vitu, and my kid brother. To console myself, I keep asking my one twin at times when he's looking at me, 'you are my little Vitu right?' I tell my husband that from whatever little I can recollect, our little Vitu looks like this baby. So, it must be him. Once again, I yearn to see my little Vitu, at least a picture of him. I should have seen and held him before he left. That regret will never go. It pains my heart so deeply.

Otherwise, we are 'okay'. Most importantly, twins are okay. Doctors have told us we have done a good job raising them, considering they were so wee tiny when born. So we must be 'happy'.

Love to all.